Broken hot bottom

I walked into my trailer today to this:

"Tati? Tati?"
"No, it's Sora."
"Oh. Hey Sora. Ummm....don't use the hot bottom...Charlie look at it and he say we are going to explode."

She was referring to our broken oven.

I will have more soon, but now it's time for a three-show-day. Hasta!

Reset

Wow. I received a text from one of my friends that said "1 month, 10 days". One month, ten days what? Oh...since I've last written. I've been off the writing train. Time to hop back on.

Since I've last written, we've been in and out of New Jersey, over to Delaware, into Pennsylvania, down to Maryland, FURTHER down to South Carolina, and now we're in Georgia. Phew! My life has been evolving in astounding ways, and I wish I could write about it all right now. But I can't. Little bits.

Metaphysical discovery: I create my world. You create your world. Being that we're all of the same energy, we are creators of each others universes, which makes us one and the same. Chew on that for a little bit. I still am.

Life discovery: No matter how hard I try, some people cannot be taught to be happy. Some people just prefer being miserable. Nothing more I can do. And I refuse to give my energy up to black holes.

I was driving from Dalton, Georgia to Hampton, GA last night. I saw three distinct signs along the road: A restaurant named "Cleveland", an "Ohio" street, and an Ohio license plate of a car that changed lanes in front of me. I wonder what that's all about.

If you couldn't tell from my writing, my thoughts are a bit scattered and all over the place right now. I think a nap is in order before shows today. Off I go. More meaningful stuff later.

Mays Landing, NJ

The elephants are living right behind my trailer on this lot and it makes me happy. They’re beautiful animals. There’s a lot of hype around animals in the circus. But here’s the thing about elephants: they’re smart animals. If they don’t want to do something, they don’t. There was one abusive animal trainer on another circus some years ago and during the show one day, an elephant rolled on top of him while he was riding it. This isn’t the only case of elephants killing their abusive trainers. And according to the trainers I’ve talked to, elephants get depressed in the off season when they’re not performing. Awwwww.

I’m becoming friends with a guy who helps out with the ponies and camels. His name is Joel. I’m grateful for his presence on the lot, as he is much into the same nutritional style as I and he has similar views when it comes to metaphysics and our place in the universe. We share dietary secrets with each other like Camu Camu juice and Himalayan salt. My soul has been begging for someone with whom I can share these interests. Thank you, universe. He just lent me a book by Francis Scovel Shinn. It’s actually four books in one. I’m only a few pages into it, but already, I’m astonished. The first book is called “The Game” and it was written almost a hundred years ago. She writes from a Christian perspective, but it’s a Christian perspective that has a firm grasp on the Law of Attraction. Crazy. Have you read “The Secret” yet? This book came out only a couple years ago, and was a bestseller….such a novel idea to most people….but this stuff has been written about for centuries. The Law of Attraction states that you attract into your life whatever you focus your thoughts on. If you are constantly worried that you car will break down, you will constantly be calling AAA from the side of the road. Conversely, if you keep your thoughts on wealth and prosperity, these things will come into your life. It’s a concept formed around gratitude. It is not just about wishing, it’s about being grateful for what you have and what will be in your life in the future. It is through gratitude that you attract good things into your life. I know I am not explaining this well, so I will just let you read the books if you’re interested. I will try to write periodic meditations on what I read.

We left Oceanside, NY and with it, a bit of nostalgia trailed behind. The first school I worked with Josh was Oceanside Elementary School #2. We started dating during that week. The Cole Brothers lot was set up right next to the sushi restaurant Josh and I went to on the night of our Student Circus. I know it's going to start getting harder now that we're traveling south, but it's only three and a half months. And I am enjoying the time I have with him now. The ironic part is that now we're in Jersey, and I will see him less than when we were in New York, as the cities we're playing are far away in south Jersey. Boo.

We are in Mays Landing, NJ now. We played to sold out houses yesterday. Insane. That’s 2000 people per show! And not once did I have to deal with mean people. Not once! People were so nice! I think there’s some sort of energy field shift that’s happening, but I’m not entirely sure what it is or how it’s working. Maybe it’s because I’ve decided that I don’t want to interact with mean people anymore.

We’re on a dirt lot while we’re here. It reminds me of the desert. *Pine* Lol…but I don’t envy AZ folk right now, that’s for sure.

K…gotta go clean. Peace!

Saturday, August 01, 2009: Beauty

I am a beautiful butterfly. I am sexy. I am elegant. I am a beautiful butterfly. I am a beautiful butterfly. I am a...

*SNORT*HACK*COUGH*SPIT*

...beautiful butterfly.

I've been battling a cold for the past two weeks. Yup. It's the same one that started out in a fever. It's better, but still hanging on just a bit. And really, my tendency is not towards being sexy to begin with (hence being a dunce in high heels), so my job of being a butterfly/belly dancer has been a bit harder whilst having projectile phlegm fly out of my mouth at 65 mph. Gross right? Now just think...I totally just euphemized that for my weak-stomached reader.

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Circus people are amazing. I'm not necessarily including myself in this category...I'm referring to circus lifers. Yesterday, one of the tightwire guys decided to go ice skating before one of the shows. It was his first time, and he crashed and burned...badly. Had to go to the emergency room and get 9 stitches in his eyebrow that he busted open. The tightwire act is the featured attraction in our show. It ends with a seven-man pyramid walking from one platform to the other. Quite the site to see. Actually, here's a video clip that was shot about a half an hour before the accident:


So what happens when one man is taken out of a finishing trick that can't happen with less than seven people?

You create a new finishing trick. In five minutes. That's right. Literally five minutes before they were supposed to go on for their act, I saw the highwire guys practicing backstage, making something new and almost equally impressive to end their act. Crazy.

Now here I sit in Josh’s house waiting for him to get home. I’ve been so lucky to be so close to Jersey City…I’ve gotten to visit him almost every night for the past two weeks. It’s gonna start getting harder to see him soon. *Sigh* It’s only until November. It’s only until November.

Three shows tomorrow, then off to Oceanside, NY for two days.


Monday, July 27, 2009: Happy Brooklyn

One might look at the title of my blog and think either I am completely mad or madly facetious. On the contrary, we’ve only been here one day, and I may be speaking too soon, but so far, Brooklyn, NY has been the happiest city I’ve been to yet. The people here are so nice and the kids are so full of life! In both shows today, I’ve not had one problem. I’m writing in the middle of a show now waiting to go on for the mid-way parade. Earlier, a Turkish boy sat in the front row with his mother, and right before the show started, he came up to us and said, “It is my birthday today, and so I want to give you chocolate.” I was stunned…floored…knocked on my ass because this little eight-year-old boy was…nice! He was conscious and so loving. I couldn’t believe my eyes or ears and I almost cried.

During intermission, I ran back to my trailer and grabbed a seashell lei Chai had given to me last year. I entered the tent, knelt down by the boy’s chair, and presented the shells. “These were given to me by my best friend,” I said, “he gives out tons of love and has an open heart just like you. So I’m going to pass these onto you now.”

Children of light amaze me. It’s always refreshing to see young ones who are already conscious human beings. It tickles me to no end. And I believe that all children should be reminded to spread their light and love…especially the ones who are already conscious. Keep the momentum going. =)

I am a camel

I decided I have two options:

I could be pissed. This past week we’ve been close to the beach. And by close to the beach, I mean, if I take 100 steps, I’m in the ocean. My trailer is parked such that if I look out my bedroom window, I can imagine that I own beachfront property. And not only are we on the beach, I’m 30 minutes away from Josh. SO CLOSE.

….and last Sunday night, as we were moving to this fabulous new location, I came down with a high fever. I’ve been sick all this week.

For a hot minute I was enraged. What the fuck? It was going to be the perfect week!

Option #2: be grateful. There is always a bright side. At this moment, I feel close to Mother Nature and all the healing elements of the ocean. And Josh lives only 30 minutes up the road. I have the healing energy of love and the earth surrounding me. I COULD have gotten sick when I was far away from both of the above. My healing process has been insanely fast this week. Every day, I am markedly better. And so I am grateful.

But now I got poor Josh sick. Sigh. Well, he’ll heal, as well.

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It’s been a strange week. Nothing out of the ordinary has happened, but perhaps that is what makes it strange. Every day has blurred into the next. I attribute part of that to being sick. When illness strikes, my entire world becomes a wash of color and sound. I’ve made it through every show, though…even while almost passing out due to the fever.

But the weird part is that I look at the day before, and think, “How was that any different than today?” This is a red alert for me. When I expressed to one of my friends that I was having a bit of a rough time connecting with my spirit while on the circus lot, he suggested creating intentions: for my day, for each hour, for each act. I think if I truly concentrate on this, I will be able to move past experiencing every day as the same. There’s no autopilot when you live with intention…a difficult thing for me to push through. I will try harder this next week.


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Some of my most interesting moments come from when I’m dancing for the camel act.

…Like the other day when a little boy excitedly started flapping his arms, pointing at me and yelling, “HI CAMEL! HI CAMEL!!”

It’s a fun social experiment because the dancers step outside of the ring and dance literally two feet away from the front row. We’re right in their faces. Sometimes people are freaked out, sometimes they love it, sometimes they offer us money. Ya know.

I like to make eye contact with people and smile. But the other day, I was feeling the weight of the week while dancing. I try not to let it show, but I felt that my feet were heavy and my smile just a little too fake.

Right in the front row was a woman and her child. The entire act, she smiled warmly at me, bouncing her son on her lap and occasionally taking his arm to wave at me. By the end of the week, I felt uplifted and light. As we made our exit, I stopped by her seat and quickly thanked her for the good energy. This made me want to be more conscious of how I express my own energy. The woman never said a word to me, but she was able to turn my entire day around just from the warmth of her spirit. Amazing.

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Funny ushering moment of the week:

10 minutes before the show starts:
Angry Woman: “Excuse me! What did I just pay $17 to see?!
Me (thinking she was having issues with where she was sitting): “I’m sorry ma’am. If you’re having trouble seeing the ring, you are welcome to upgrade your seat to the reserved or VIP section.”
Woman: “No. That’s not what I’m saying. What did I pay to see?! What’s in this show?!”
Me: “Oh…um, well there’s motorcycles and tightwire and aerials....
Woman (cutting me off): OH! So you mean THIS isn’t the show?! (indicating to the camel and pony rides)

So here’s my new cynical life policy proposal:
Every person should be required to take an IQ test before they become parents. If the IQ of either of the parents is less than 110, you’re not allowed to breed. We will have a much smarter world.

Luck?

We’re on a hill this week. That makes running in stilettos fun. I mean, I’m moronic in high heels to begin with, but running…ON A HILL?

We’re in Greenport, NY now…right by the beach. *Sigh*. Life is good. My body still feels tired all the time, but I think I’m getting into the swing of things.

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When I was a little girl, I dreamed of being a princess. My dreams revolved around not the riches, castle, and servants, but rather the physical beauty that all princesses are clearly born with. And then I went to go see a ballet, and I wanted to be a prima ballerina with a perfect body and perfect face, pristine hair and grace that touched ethereal. And then I went to the circus, and I wanted to be a showgirl, shining brilliantly in large plumes and gem-encrusted costumes. But I could never be any of these things. I simply was not pretty enough. Society would forever block me from such paths.

…and now I’m a showgirl, and over and over again, it makes me go HUH?!?!

Though I had always envisioned myself in these various roles, the pictures in my mind could never match up with the reality of my physical state. I was born acutely disfigured. No one with an asymmetrical face could ever make it into these paradigms of beauty. Plus, I was short, nerdy, and had an afro larger than my head, itself.

Did I just beat the system?

Sunday, July 12, 2009: Six Pack Weekend

Most people in this society look forward to weekends. I no longer do. In the circus there’s a dreaded term: Six Pack. It means six shows during the weekend: three on Saturday, three on Sunday...and it kinda sucks. Granted, ACA was way harder. Perhaps it seems worse now because we're so far away from the camp, I can’t easily go back to my trailer. I have to hang out in the dressing room or backstage throughout the entire two hours of the show. It’s ok though…I think I’m still settling in, so I assume this will all become easier soon. Caroline told me to give myself at least two months to get into the rhythm of things.

And I’ve decided that the most dangerous part of my job is not being up in the air. If I’m going to die while in the circus, it will either be due to getting run over by an elephant or circus cart during the parade OR going into cardiac arrest from dealing with mean customers.

For every show, there are two finales: one right before intermission and one at the end of the show. The finale only consists of all the circus performers parading out in our costumes and waving to the audience. Also included in this parade are brightly painted and glittery circus carts (resembling old train wagons and organs on wheels) and the animals. In my first week here, I finished one such parade and was about to exit backstage when one of the workers frantically signaled for me to stay where I was. How does one NOT see a train of elephants coming? Thank you, ladies and gentlemen. I’ll be here all week. And every day, without fail, I almost get run over by a cart because the backstage just ain’t big enough for people AND moving vehicles. What a site it is to see me dive out of the way in full glitter and stilettos.

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I think I’m going to start documenting the best ushering moments of my week. Here’s one for last week:

I see a commotion happening around Widny and Nick in the VIP section. Widny looks frustrated and little 11-year-old Nick looks completely befuddled. I walk over.

Me to the customer: “Hello, ma’am. May I help you?”
Woman: “Do YOU speak English?!”
No, no. That last sentence in the American accent…that was just to fake you out.
Me: Yes. Now how may I help you?
Woman: Well, I am VERY upset!
Too many kids here? Pavement isn’t shining clean? WHAT?! You’re in the frickin’ second row!
Me: I’m sorry to hear that. What can I do for you?
Woman: I am VERY upset!...
Correct me if I’m wrong, but I think we already established this.
….I did not pay $22 to sit behind FAT PEOPLE.

I stop. I blink. I stare at her blankly. Really?! REALLY?!! My mouth starts to form a laugh, but I stop myself soon enough. If there is a God, the people sitting directly in front of her do not speak English.

And I walk away.